My theory of why

So admitting you have an account on okcupid, let alone that you've met someone on okcupid, is uncomfortable for many people. Some profiles, even, have a very "oh, I don't even know how I have this profile.. it just sort of happened, I'm totally not that type of person. Oh, my friend made me do it, yes, that's it. Not like I want love or sex or company or anything of the sort. Fuck that shit. I'm a robot and don't need anything ever".

I guess it goes back to that pretense thing... it's like we all know we want love, affection, attention (of various kinds), but we don't like to admit it.

The example described here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-son3EJTrU , was of the whole "do you want to come up for coffee?" thing. Both know (supposedly) that it's more than just about coffee, but it's safer to use the euphimism. Then if the answer is "no", it's less painful (and easier to reframe as something else).

It's as if when you meet people at bars you're not there to socialize "oh, no, I just really really like drinking, talking to people is just an occasional bonus - but you seem interesting, let's explore this totally effortless agency-less dynamic further." Similarly when you meet people in other aspects of your life, it feels a lot less desperate - you were just going about your life and someone piqued your interest - it's like magic, you didn't have to make it happen. Except, of course, everything you've been doing up to that point is essentially an effort to be desirable and attract a mate (or mates). But you can pretend that isn't so. You've got your friends, you've got your job, you don't need anything else. Going on okcupid is pretty much saying "no, I also want something romantic, or physical, that I don't already have." It's exposing a certain vulnerability, and it can be difficult.

Of course, there are lot of sketchy characters there (but there are also a lot of sketchy characters at bars, at parties, on public transit...).