I posted a cheeky comment on someone's facebook status that quickly led to some very blunt critique of myself, namely:
"Vas, honestly, I think you're a smart kid and all, but it doesn't make up for your shitty personality."
to
"I know you must be socially retarded in some aspects, but seriously, your comments, they're unnecessary."
to
"Just don't be such a cock to people. You're intelligent, but that doesn't make up for you being a cocky know-it-all with a shit personality."
Which I suppose is true (i.e., intelligence does not make up for a "shit personality"). I've always worried that I was always making some huge faux pax, but generally, for whatever reason, I got good feedback. I'm not quite sure how to react to this. It certainly sounds like a very honest, unfiltered opinion. It also sounds like the person is rather angry, so perhaps not entirely in touch with reality. A mutual friend suggested it might be a joke, but we really don't know each other well enough to joke quite like this... also, it sounds pretty real (and the other things I didn't quote sounded sincere too).
In some perverse way, I'm glad this happened, because it fuels my neurotic but strangely gratifying self-reflection. I'm not glad that this person was so upset or, you know, to be disliked so strongly, but these are interesting things to consider. How many people thought the same and just never said it? And do they have a point? Is there a lesson in here? Maybe it's just my ego, but I feel that this person has an apparent character flaw as well... but does that nullify his observations? My position is that I was joking, and not in a condescending way, definitely not in a way intended to insult (but tease, sure) - clearly I failed at that, but does this mean I really need to be careful with my jokes or is this a weird anomaly type thing that shouldn't affect my behavior?
I guess I'm trying to figure out if this experience should be humbling or haughty-ing...
It's easier to discern if you include the full exchange, including what you posted. Then the people may judge you based on your comments. Overall, without that context, I can say you come off a bit of perfectionist, but not in a bad way. Being elitist isn't bad, in itself. It's bad when being elitist causes you to snub other people on a basis of whatever you're elitist about. It could be said in different words, that you just encourage others to be the best versions of themselves, to succeed, to try, and to reach their goals. (Or set some goals).
ReplyDeleteI thought I was being playful, but clearly that was not conveyed. Thanks for clarifying I don't have a shit personality, though :)
ReplyDeleteWhat? What happened? I didn't see this. I am APPALLED that anyone would ever characterize your personality as anything but utterly delightful. I find the idea of that happening to be highly confusing. For some reason I'm assuming you were just correcting someone's grammar or something? If so, I think people are often very reactive to that if they view it as either being tied up with class issues, or as an attempt to derail what they were trying to say. Whatever it was, I think you're right to take it as an opportunity to reflect, but please consider the fact that this person (or people?) called you really awful things and used hateful and ignorant language while accusing YOU of having a shit personality; obviously this is an occasion for more than a few grains of salt.
ReplyDeleteThanks! (To clarify further, the person was posting about Ron Paul in a positive light and I said something like "oh you and Ron Paul..." ). But it's no matter now. I'm quite content with not seeing this person again. I don't think I have a shit personality, but it's good to be aware that such disconnection can happen - intentions are often misperceived.
ReplyDelete