Interactions with Strangers ( "Oh no, is Sarah right again?"

Part I

As I was listening to Russian 90s rock about drinking poison, a handsome stranger tapped me on the shoulder and asked me, with a strong accent, if this train would take him to times square. I said "yes, the stop is 42nd st" and put my headphones back on.

A few moments later he gestured for me to take out the headphones so he could continue to converse. I didn't mind (I was bored and also being in the position where you have the knowledge someone wants makes you feel powerful) so he continued to ask me, using his hands and figures to show the number, what's the best way to get to 54th .

I was hoping that maybe he spoke Russian, but he said "no English, Italia" which I took to mean he was from Italy and therefore spoke a different language. He asked me if I was going to 42nd, and I said yes, deciding to omit the fact that I am merely transferring there.

In any case, this long boring story continued to a few more surprisingly non-awkward interactions where we barely understood each other and concluded with me saying "good luck" and him shaking my hand in a peculiarly Italian manner (I assume) and saying "Ciao".

Part II

The whole occurrence made me feel like I met the quota for nice deeds and positive interactions in one brief subway ride. Then I proceeded to wonder why my interactions with foreigners were generally so much more pleasant... how odd that I would get along better with someone I couldn't understand very well. Why were so many of my friends at Reed "international students" while I was "international" only as a technicality?

This is when I realized that Sarah might not always be wrong. For those of you who are not the Sarah , yesterday she said that I just have unrealistic expectations of people and that as soon as I get to know someone well I almost always find flaws in them. How depressing.

It might be true, though. I have plenty of pleasant interactions with people I don't know very well. I have many "friends" with whom I've had less than 5 meaningful conversations. I also have some friends that pass the test (or more likely whose test I passed) and we share a significant amount of trust and respect for each other. However, the in-between friends are tough... you have to suffer through the misunderstandings and disagreements, all while trying to figure out if they like you or if you care whether they like you. Perhaps my friendships with foreigners, and many other acquaintances, are superficial ...but are they superfluous or quite the opposite?

Part III

So what? Well I have generally come to agree with the whole belief that positive attitude attracts positives. That, as Blair Waldorf (Queen B of trashy TV) said, vibrating at the right frequency will attract happy people and repel others. Or, basically the entire stupid contents of the stupid "the secret" movie. Except, of course, it's not mystical. People like to see other people have fun and enjoy themselves, it's just a fun thing to observe. At the risk of being redundant, it looks fun and it makes you feel like you will have fun. Basically wanting to be around happy people is a completely natural reaction for someone who wants to be happy. Just like someone who is hungry would go to a grocery store and someone who is horny would find the orgasm-dispensing destination of his or her choice. Similarly, if you want to be joyful be around people who are... leech off their fucking glee.

This explains why when I was feeling depressed I barely had any friends, and when I temporarily overcame it and became a hyper kid I usually could find someone to spend time with. That is sad though. Now that my mood has begun fluctuating again, I run the risk of alienating most of my friends (because I don't have any truly close friends in NYC, or at least that has been my assessment of the situation... I'd be surprised if someone here deeply cared). Not because I want to alienate them, just because I'm less willing to be entertaining. I don't want to be unpleasant, I just don't want to work towards creating an illusion. The alternative, of course, is to play the happy game and act in a way that would attract more people that are unlikely to ever became long-term friends. While quantity is not preferable to quality, it's something.

Then again... people that do care about me, did it not take years for us to get here? There were definitely points where both of us probably thought "wtf? not worth my time." Arghh, I shudder to think that Kathy Oleson (social psych prof) that our strong feelings towards people, like love, are almost direct results of proximity, such that the more time we spend together and the closer (physical distance-wise) we are (like sitting next to each other in class or elsewhere) the more likely we are to develop strong bonds. It's frustratingly superficial. I want some real fucking fulfillment.

P.S. Does anyone read this? Or was "Strange Dame: Part I" my one and only hit?